Just Because You Are Old Doesn’t Mean You Are Invisible

"It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question." ~Eugene Ionesco

To paraphrase Matty Matlock, from the CBS TV show Matlock, when you are old you become invisible. Is sad, but true.

My mother lived to the age of 102, with all her faculties intact and a will to live. The only thing that was holding her back was that her bones had become extremely brittle, like chalk, and would fracture easily. To prevent further fractures and pain (one broken femur and both ankles seven months apart), the orthopedic doctor recommended she use a wheelchair. Despite this setback, her sharp intellect and wit remained unimpaired. She enjoyed taking part in conversations, expressing her opinions (and she had opinions) and staying current on events.

When people learned how old she was, they were surprised. Frankly, so were we. She couldn’t believe she was 102 and would often say, “Don’t you think that’s a lot of years?” Honestly, for me, they were not enough.

She used to go to physical therapy to help maintain the strength and tone of her legs. It was also a change of scenery, and she was around people. At first, the therapists would talk among themselves and come up to me to ask about her. I would tell them, talk to her. When they got to know her, they would go out of their way to say hello and to chat with her. They asked her questions about her life and experiences. It was a nice change for her, and the therapists, most in their early 20s, enjoyed talking with her. The most common question was, “What’s the secret to reaching your age?” She always replied, “Think positive. Be positive.” She developed a close connection with her physical therapist; you could hear them talking and laughing as he guided her through the exercises.

My mom was a kind, caring woman who had her share of life’s trials. She and my father immigrated to this country with two small children, not knowing the language, and rebuilt their lives. Then life dealt her an unpleasant twist; her firstborn died, and two months later, her mother. She tried to always stay positive, giving thanks for what she still had. No matter what life has in store for you, it is how you face it and who you have in your life that will help you get past that difficult moment and emerge a stronger, better person on the other side.

Don’t discard people just because they are old. Can you imagine the life experience an octogenarian, a nonagenarian or a centenarian would have had? They had a front-row seat to history. They witnessed, or were a part of, global transformation, technological advancements, and significant social and political changes. They witness the invention of airplanes, radio, television, and the internet, as well as advancements in medicine and space exploration. Survived the Great Depression and the horrors of two World Wars and the Holocaust. Yes, I think they have something to say. Just because they are at the sunset of their lives, many still have their faculties and are leading productive, fruitful lives.

They still have a lot to say — to share. We can learn so much from them; don’t deprive yourself of the opportunity to get a first-hand account of events that shaped our world. Remember, they grew up and lived in a world that depended more on self-reliance than how many likes their latest post got on social media. Don’t dismiss them as “they are just old, what do they know”. You will be surprised how much they know, and what new or different perspectives they can add to our lives; and, us to theirs. All you need is to be patient and listen with an open mind.

They are not invisible; they still have a lot of life before them, and what they say matters. Make them feel they still have something to offer. They might move and speak slower than today’s Gen Y or Z, but just take a step back and listen at their pace and allow yourself to catch a glimpse at what life used to be; seen through their eyes. You’ll never know what you will learn.

What are your thoughts? Know anyone who experienced the Great Depression (1929-1939), survived the Holocaust (1941-1945), or is a veteran of World War II (1939-1945)? These folks are in their eighties or nineties. What are you waiting for? Time is not on their side.